Hey Beautiful

I'M TANYA LOCHNER

I am a Mom Strategist, Success & Empowerment Coach, Author and Holistic Health & Wellness Advocate.  I use my sixteen years’ experience in corporate as a specialist and mentor, as well as my background in psychology, nutrition and finances, to help mothers globally to navigate motherhood with ease and grace, while living a naturally fulfilled life.

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Peace in Perfectionism

TanyaLochner-274

What does it feel being little miss perfect? Supposedly good because it’s what we all strive to be, right?! Perfect. Here’s the problem – being little miss perfect usually means being quite unpopular. What about miss Goody Two-Shoes, nerd or head-girl…  I’m guessing you know what these names all refer to?

It’s a real love-hate relationship. We all secretly want to be perfect, always taking the high ground. We want to be the example of how things are done the right way. Then why don’t we just do it right all the time? Because we hate being singled out as that perfect girl who always gets it right.

Society has created a dichotomy around looking and being perfect. Flip through any fashion magazine and you see the size 0 models gracing the pages. We look at those (photo shopped) pictures and start believing that this is what normal, no wait, BEAUTIFUL, looks like. How many women have I heard saying ‘if only I looked like Kate Moss, I would have the man of our dreams, that perfect job, model behaving children [fill in the blank]. We think that money, a beautiful body or a varsity degree will magically make all our problems go away.

At the other end of the spectrum society has made being perfect a negative thing. Think back to a time when you were judged for doing the right thing. For me it started at home when I was really young. My parents misplaced some building rubble in the neighbour’s yard after we moved into our new home when I was 8 years old. When I was questioned about the rubble I told the truth which got them in trouble. I remember waking up from an afternoon nap being scolded for telling on them. It continued in my school environment. I was an introvert that always ended up befriending one of the ‘cool’ girls. But as soon as things went wrong, I would come clean and usually get punished for it.

I found many examples in my experiences growing up that supported my theory that being good was not good for me. That society rejected people who were trying to be perfect. I learnt that blending in was safe. It never felt quite right though. I constantly felt out of alignment with who I am and it sadly led me to rebel in ways that I’m not proud of.

So I ask the question – what if I was made to be good, really good? What if part of my purpose here on earth is to show others that it can be done? Nobody’s perfect, that’s for sure. But what if striving for perfection is OK? I accept that I’m human and I’m allowed to mistakes. It’s what helps me grow and learn. But there’s a freedom in knowing that I can do the right thing and it will be celebrated. Because that’s the true me.

I’m calling on all you perfectionists today – let’s UNITE! Let’s celebrate who we are and stop stepping back and playing small because other people can’t do it the way we can. Let’s take the lead and show them how it’s done 🙂

I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences with perfectionism in the comments below xx

 

3 Comments

  1. Patricia on August 12, 2017 at 4:29 pm

    It sounds a lot like me! It feels so good not to be alone. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

  2. Aasiyah on August 13, 2017 at 9:16 pm

    I’m not sure this is entirely related to perfectionism, especially since the majority of the examples stated are more related to making moral decisions in a difficult situation. We should definitely all strive to choose the ethically correct choice even if others criticise us for it. As for perfectionists, many lack self-worth and become obsessive over getting things perfect, so I personally would say (and I am one of those perfectionists) that striving to be perfect is not always a positive trait and at times we should try to reign ourselves in.

    • Tanya Lochner on August 14, 2017 at 3:45 pm

      Thanks for sharing your view Aasiyah. The overall idea is to link having a perfectionistic nature to the underlying need to be a good person. I agree that it’s not always a positive trait, especially because we are so hard on ourselves. But I do think there’s a part of us that brings structure into the world and if we can harness our strive for excellence for good we can heal ourselves and many others in the world.

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